Suck it.

BMI, you can kiss my butt.

I mean, seriously.  I’m patting myself on the back for what I’ve accomplished so far.  For plenty of people, what I weigh now would send them into panics.  But for me, I’m down to a new 10.  That’s something for me to celebrate.  I’m proud of myself.  This is no small feat.  Knowing that I should probably know all my numbers, I think, “let’s check out what my BMI would look like at the goal that I’m thinking I want to see.”

And then a small part of me dies.  I punch in 150lbs which, for the record, I think could be possibly even skinnier than I think I would be comfortable – I’ve NEVER been that thin in my “I’m done growing” life!  IT’S STILL CONSIDERED OVERWEIGHT.  You have GOT to be kidding me.  I’m not a small-boned, petite lady.  I am muscled and have bigger bones.  Seriously – you should feel my thighs.  Gymnasts have flabbier thighs (possibly a *slight* over-exaggeration…).  If I was a dainty girl, yes.  I could see 150 for a 5’5” woman being overweight still.  But not me, friends.  That’s just not my body type.

I know that I should take things like the BMI with a grain of salt.  But it’s really hard to when I’m proud of myself, and then I see that stupid calculator.  When I went to a doctor a good 3 years ago about losing some weight (ouch…good to see I’ve been successful…), he told me that the medical community generally frowns on using the BMI alone for calculating healthy weight.  He said that the Fed was working out a new kind of calculator that took into account your body type and muscle mass.  I’ve been waiting for that little calculator to surface.  I’m bummed it hasn’t yet, because I could use another calculator to be able to track my weight loss and as another incentive to keep on losing.

So, until they come out with something that’s more accurate, I’ll just be using that scale and measuring tape to track my progress.

Stupid BMI calculator.

Boo

Currently feeling a little down.  I don't know what my deal is.  Perhaps it's the rush of victory dwindling?  Maybe it's a winter's worth of cabin fever really setting in.  I'm not sure.  But I don't like it.  It's not that it makes me feel like stuffing my face or anything - it just kind of makes me feel like my wheels are turning, and I'm not getting anywhere.

Even though I stepped on the scale Monday, and I'm down a couple of pounds from last week, I just feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Hmmm.  Maybe that's it?  Maybe I know that I did a pretty crap job of eating well last week, and I'm mopey because I know that sooner or later it's gonna catch up to me?  That definitely keeps me from celebrating my own victory of a couple of pounds lost.  Just knowing that next week it's probably going to go in the opposite direction that I want sucks.

But really, it's my own dang fault.  I knew better when I agreed to pizza for lunch and Culver's for dinner.  I have no one to blame but myself, and that kinda sucks.  Maybe Mr. P just a smidge for not being very helpful.  :)  But no.  Mostly just me.

Fact of the matter is, I need to get it together.  Be more consistent with things like veggie intake and exercise.  Do more meal and schedule planning so that I can know what's coming instead of waiting to the last minute (aka on the way home from work) to figure out what's for dinner.  I know from a little exercise at work that my personality has a smidge of a strugglefest when it comes to actually planning things out ("Perceivers" are better with things like going on a cross-country trip completely unplanned and without any kind of map or saving for the trip or, hey, even a car.  Woooo!).

GOD, kid!

So, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.  NO, I woke up on the wrong side of the HOUSE this morning.  Just a tremendous case of the cranks.  Then, it all started sliding downhill.  Shut the alarm off and slept for another 20 minutes.  Didn't have time to do anything with my hair, so I looked like a beggar at work.  Morning meeting where we learned that there are a few things that'll be shaking up the joint - at least for our team.  Another meeting (with COOKIES!  Which I somewhow managed to avoid...10 points for me), then our last SHAPE meeting, which was sad...THEN eventually, the end of the day and we had to bring Cosmo the Dog to the vet.  Stressful for everyone, I guess.

Naturally, after my early morning pbbbbppttttt (that's the sound of a raspberry, in case you didn't know), I had me some greasy, salty goodness for breakfast, in the form of a bacony, eggy, croissant of deliciousness.  And, I refuse to apologize.  Sometimes, you're the oatmeal, sometimes you're the greasy croissant sandwich.  I know that emotional or stress eating isn't a good thing.  That doesn't, however, mean that I don't get to occasionally indulge in it.  The way I see it, I KNOW why I wanted to eat what I wanted to, and that's 3/4 of the battle.  Controlling the craving or desire or whatever you want to call it most of the time is making sure I keep myself in check.

The good news is, for both the parts of this little story, tomorrow's another day.  I WILL wake up on the right side of the bed, or learn to change my attitude if I don't!  And, I'm having oatmeal for breakfast.