It's been a big struggle for the last couple of weeks.
I'd love to blame it all on the vacation, but I just can't.  I've been massively "meh" on this whole thing lately.  Just lackluster and not wanting to put any effort into things.  Don't get me wrong - I want to lose weight.  I really do.  I really, REALLY do.  I just...maybe it's not coming off fast enough?  Maybe it's just too overwhelming?

I don't know what the reason is, but I just can't get myself back into the swing of things.  Taking a week off for vacation just didn't help at all.  You know the sad story - we were crappy eaters and didn't work out like we wanted to.  Getting back hasn't helped.  It's like I've taken SEVERAL steps backwards.  I can't get enough chips and candy and everything else that's not good for me.  I can't seem to stop wanting to graze all day long.  I can't stop wanting to sit on my ass all the time and avoid the great outdoors.  I just can't snap back into it.

There just doesn't seem to be anything that I want to do to improve the situation.  I should probably try harder.  Probably get my head back into the game.  Try changing my new routine and just making myself start over again.

But I just can't.

I don't WANT to start over, though.  I feel like I put all that time and effort in all those months ago, and the idea of having to get myself back into it by going back to the beginning really sucks.  I know it needs to be done, but I just don't wanna.

Time to get it together, I guess.  Someone give me some encouragement!!!!!


Well...that's no good.

You know that it's problematic when you have to log into Blogger.  That whole "stay signed in" thing apparently only works when you visit every once and a while.  Guess I haven't been on here in a bit.  Nine days, in case you were wondering what the exact-o number was.
I have a piddly defense though!

I was on vacay.  And, unlike my blogging heroes the Petersiks, I'm not much of a "planner" so I don't prepare a bunch of blogs to post while I'm away.  I also don't get paid to blog, and there aren't thousands of people perusing my little corner of the interwebs either.  So, there.

What did I do on vacay? you ask.  Well, I gained some weight.

How much water and "PUT DOWN THE BAGS OF CHIPS AND CHEESE WHIPS" weight?  The world will never know.  And, again in my even more piddly defense, I don't actually know if it's totally true.  I'm just going off of what the scale at Mom and Pop's place said the day after a particularly Original Lite Beer-filled night.  Sometimes chowing all that sodium and drinking fewer than my usual 64 ounces of delicious water makes me mad bloaty.  Then the next week (since I weigh myself no more frequently than once a week), after being pretty conscious of how bloaty and disgusting I felt, I'm down more than I was before the gain.

Something tells me this will not be the case with this little spate of possible weight gain, though.  I did NOT do well (thanks, support network!  I kid.  Sort of.) while on vacay.

What went wrong:
  • Too much temptation!  At mi casa, there's really not much outside a jar of pistachios and some 80-calorie string cheese to trip me up.  We just don't have junk sitting around.  Sure, there are a couple of bags of chips leftover from various parties, but they're all nasties - run-of-the-mill tortilla or ripple chips.  Nothing that I'm going to run out after.  Throw some Loaded Chili Lays and a tub 'o' Top the Tater my way though, and I'm a ravenous beast.  GIMME.
  • SNACKING.  Yet another thing that I never do.  I don't snack on a regular basis.  I have breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  Sometimes I'll have a little something after dinner, but that's just not often.  The (very) occasional pudding snack, a handful of pistachios with my Coke Zero, etc.  Not really anything that's gonna break the carloric bank.  But this past week?  No way, man.  Free. For. All.
  • Abandoning The Plan the second we started with the vacay.  Jessica and I spent Sunday evening over a couple of sips planning our meals for the week.  We knew what we were going to have for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  We were going to go grocery shopping and get exactly what we were going to eat and we weren't going to deviate from the plan.  Until we did.  Immediately.  I don't even know if we opened that bag of carrots.  Losers.
Things I could have done better:
  • Portions.  The chips and dip from Heaven might have gone over better, had I actuall portioned it out.  Sure, it would have been less than the free-for-all (and thus less awesome), but it also would have been fewer calories.  More manageable.  Nothing to feel guilty/bloated about later.
  • Holding myself accountable.  Not letting me blame the Lays on being there, but keep myself in check with them there.  That would have solved the snacking issue, as well as the planning issue.  If I believed in myself as much as I say I do, I would have done it.  I would have been able to hold myself accountable for my eating habits and be more firm about food.
  • In the same respect, I should have relied more heavily on my companions to do the same - hold themselves accountable and help keep me in check.  While I did the same thing for them, naturally.  The other two ladies of the week don't have anywhere near as much extra stuffing to lose than I do, but that doesn't mean that I should let myself slip into the "if they do it, I can do it" way of thinking.  That's just foolish.  I know better.
In the end, I definitely learned first-hand what can happen on a vacation when one is trying to be healthier.  It doesn't always end well.  But, that doesn't mean that it'll never end well, or that I'll never learn how to handle myself in these kinds of situations.  This was just really my first time off since starting this adventure, so I'm not going to be too hard on myself.  And, while it's seeming to take some time to get back into my old habits - I still feel hungry all day and just want to snack all the time! - I know I can do it.

I guess I not only gained the weight, but a new perspective.  And perhaps a new determination.  It's almost August.  Tessa's going to be picking out bridesmaids dresses any day now.  And I'm going to fit into one, vacations be damned.

Tomorrow:  Grateful list!


Thanks, Pinterest!

I love Pinterest.  I'm ever so slightly obsessed with it right now.  I think it's brilliant, and something that I wish I had invented.  As a matter of fact, the other blog that I have was my attempt to do something similar - put all the design ideas and things I see on the 'net that I like all in one place.  Shoulda invented Pinterest myself.  Bummer.
ANYWAY.  I love that site.  And, it's on that site that I found something sweet - an exercise finder.  It's from Canada's online Womens' Mag.  Canada, eh?  It's pretty awesome.  You pick a location (say, your thighs), and then you can go more specific if necessary (say, inner thighs).  Then, there are pages of exercises that will work those specific areas.  I haven't had a chance to use any of the exercises (just discovered the site Friday!), but I'm really excited to do it.  I'll get myself a 30-minute workout put together and give a review.  If you try it out, post your review too!

Something else kinda cool on the website?  An ideal weight calculator.  One that asks you to enter your frame size (it shows you how to determine your frame based on the 'ol fingers-around-the-wrist technique).  I MUCH prefer the 138 - 153 for my height based on my frame size (large, in case you wanted to know...naturally...) over what the BMI calculator tells me - 115 to 145 being healthy.  ONE HUNDRED FIFTEEN POUNDS?????  Hell no.  I would be worse than Skeletor.  It would be pretty horrific.  Plus, for whatever reason, I feel more comfortable thinking that my high end is 150lb.  It doesn't seem like so scarily small a number that I'll never achieve it.  Even now, even 40lbs down, I still have quite a long way to go to even hit that 150lb mark.  BUT, it doesn't feel like a number that I couldn't hit.  It seems completely plausible that I could get there.  And I can't wait!  :)


Just a little tidbit.

So, this past weekend, my girl Jess told me that I'm getting "real chicken legs."
Best possible insult ever!!!  :)

As a matter of fact, I'm going to be buying A PAIR OF SHORTS this weekend perhaps as a result.  Maybe.  It might happen.  No guarantees.

My hot little cousin Julie bought some super cute stuff at Old Navy last week, and looked beyond adorbs, and I found myself insanely jealous of her shorts.  And her shirt.  Mostly I was very jealous of her outfit.  Holy cute, Batman.

SO, between being told that my legs are gettin' skinny and finding a pair of shorts that I lust over...well, it looks like I'm getting a pair of shorts!  Go ahead.  Squeal for me.


Damn you convenience!


Lunch today was not a brilliant show of my ability to have some restraint or be more aware of how I'm eating.

It was more a show of just how far I still have to go.

I can say now that my dependence on tracking and researching and planning is far greater than I thought it was. And I got a better understanding of just how good the fast food guys are at enticing you to eat whatever it is that they want you to. They're good. I mean, really good.

The regular 1/4 pound burger and small fries (better yet, make it a medium for just 60 cents!!) costs more than the value-sized burger and fries. So, they shove the value menu in the corner, with no pictures or descriptions. Gotta guess if you'll get lettuce on that thing. Instead of being smart, and not falling for that crap, I blew my whole day by being lured in by the picture and ease of the pre-priced meal. I mean, twice the calories!!!

What a dummy I can be sometimes.

Here's what I learned:
If I'm going to have fast food, I'm going to need to be better prepared. I'm going to have to figure out where I'm going ahead if time. I'm going to have to know what is and isn't acceptable for me. If I can't do the research ahead of time, I need to be bringing my phone with to look it up there.
TAKE YOUR TIME WHEN ORDERING!! The problem with having someone else (or a whole table full of someone elses!) on your tab is that you can't sit and analyze every item. You kind of have to hurry up and make a choice. Not the best way to get something good to eat! If the other person (say your hungry hubby...) wants to order more quickly, perhaps you'll just have to swipe your card twice. It might just be better than making a game-time decision and having it end with an 800-calorie lunch.
Do NOT fall for pretty pictures. Remember that the store doesn't love the value menu, but that I should. Lower prices, smaller caloric impact, and probably less regret later! Maybe.

So, that's it for my lunchtime adventures. Maybe I should say my lunchtime lessons? That sounds too preachy. I'll stick with adventures. ;)

Additional nuggets of advice out there? Besides the obvious "stop eating the FF, dummy," of course! That's quite the dur.

Also, I'm trying out the Android app for Blogger. Not sure how I feel about it just yet...it keeps freezing up on me, so I hope this even posts properly!!


On Monday!

Forgot until 9:34 this evening that today is Monday.  Ha.  At least I'm getting it done on the right day, right?  Riiiiiiight.
Antibotic cream and peroxide.  My old cat at the farm kicked my ass this weekend.  Allegedly, I had been drinking some wop and thought I could save her from my dog,  She did NOT agree with me that I could or should save her.  She's also a complete biyotch in everyday life,  So, why I thought she would suck any less when I was trying to rescue her is beyond me.  Idiot.  I got whooped pretty good.  I proceeded to go to the river and keep my hand in the water, wrastle with my garden, and pet a bunch of puppies all the rest of the weekend like a genius.  I come home, dunk my hand in peroxide and slather it with the antibiotic, and BAM.  It's not achy anymore.  If only they worked on sunburn...

Fourth of July, baby!!!  On a regular day, I dig being an American.  I really do.  I love the freedoms we have and the pride we can have in our young little country.  I love so very, very many things about this country.  I wish I could make a Hugh Grant-style speech about what a great nation we are.  But, we're not *technically* a nation of David Beckham's right foot.  Or David Beckham's left foot for that matter.  Let's just leave it at the fact that I love the red, white, and blue.  HAPPY FOURTH, Y'ALL!!

Along the same kind of lines, I'm totally grateful for my fam-damly.  I love the hell out of all of them.  I have such a great family, and I'm reminded of that every once and a while.  We were all together this weekend, and I didn't want anything else.  I didn't want to run to the bar in town (which wasn't open anyway - holy straightline winds, Batman!), I didn't want to escape these people...I wanted to spend as much time with them as I could.  I only with the outlaws had been there.  And if my hubby had been willing to go float down the river.  Weirdo doesn't like water...

Support.  I'm so grateful for the support of everybody back home.  Maybe I'm a smidge shallow or whatever, but it makes me feel so damn good when people say I'm looking good.  Honestly, even though I KNOW the numbers are going down, it doesn't really feel like I'm losing weight.  I don't look at myself that differently yet.  I know my arms are skinnier and my feet can't fit into my favorite shoes anymore, but it doesn't always feel like what I've been doing is all that effective.  So, for anyone who said something nice about my shrinking self, THANK YOU!!

Unexpected delays.  There were some pretty wicked storms on Friday.  They pretty much ran the line from where we live to where I grew up.  *Pretty much* literally took the path we were driving.  Our car was SLAMMED with hailstones.  From inside the car, it sounded like my boy Aaron Rodgers was whipping Superbowl-winning spirals at the car from 30 yards out.  It was nuts.  At one point in our travels, we determined things were bad enough to pull into an old abandoned gas station and try and wait out a little bit of the storm.  Thank God we did.  Had we not, we would have been in one of the little towns along the way that got PUMMELED.  It was bad.  Trees all over the road, downed power lines, just awful.  The story wasn't much different in my little hometown.  Had we not had the unexpected delay we had at the begining of our trek (in the form of an hour-and-a-half delay at work...), we would have been in the wrong place at the wrong time.  I guess sometimes things DO happen for a reason.  I can appreciate that.

And that's it for this first week of July!