Here; where I've never been before.

I've discovered that I have gotten to this really strange place that I don't think I've been before. I'm completely out of control. It's like I can't say no, no matter how much I know what I'm doing goes against my goals.

Frankly, it's bizarre.

I find myself trying to figure out how to tell myself to say no, but can't.

Here's an example. Caribou. I love their coffee, I love their bakery goods. My weaknesses are the Campfire Mocha and the apple fritter. So. Flippin. Good. So good. BUT, together, they're 1000-ish calories. Yeah, no. Not good.

I was going to Caribou every morning for a couple of weeks. I would order my Campfire (medium, soy, with dark and milk chocolate - in case you wanted to get me one...) and tell myself no fritter. And then would order the frickin fritter. It's like someone else just took over my damn mouth!!

I've never had this kind of terrible, dysfunctional relationship with food before. I've always been able to say no if I wished. That's just something I find I can't really so anymore.

I'm trying to figure out how to fix it. For now, it's just the avoidance of that which tempts me. Caribou free for now. Sad. I hope I'll be able to figure out how to look temptation in the eye and say no again. Soon would be good. I miss my mini-marshmalows...

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