It's the little things.

I did 27 minutes and three seconds of the Yoga Meltdown today.  And, having gone through 27 minutes and three seconds of this workout, I have come to some conclusions.
  1. Jillian Michaels is trying to kill me.  I'm not sure what I did to her (other than being a chub, natch), but I'm really, really sorry Jillian.  I hope you can forgive me.
  2. I am SERIOUSLY out of shape.  You know how you think "Meh.  I've just gotten, you know, less flexible.  I could totally still lift a small car and run a mile in 8 minutes."  NO.  No, you can't.  And Jillian, Bashira, and Maddie are here to show you that.  You're out of shape.  You cannot do those things anymore, much less perform a chataranga push-up.
  3. On the same line, I have no balance.  My coworkers know this - especially the poor one who has to sit next to me, and listen as I nimbly bang into the cube walls just about every time I come out of my cube.  This is different.  This is absolutely no balance.  I have no concept of how to not fall over when I'm doing Warrior 3.  Fail Warrior 3.
  4. My head sweats.  My head.  I have learned that I can tell just how much of a workout I'm getting by how much my head sweats.  Today, the sweat started at the nape of my neck and got all the way to the crown of my head.  Conversely, my fivehead (in my family, they're not foreheads - they're fiveheads because they're HUGE) is not sweaty.  Go figure.
  5. I like my stretchy yoga pants.  I feel like Jack Black in Nacho Libre:  "Chancho.  When you are a man, sometimes you wear stretchy pants in your room.  It's for fun."  I *get* leggings and yoga pants in public now.  I heart my yoga pants.  NOTE:  I will not be wearing them in public.  Maybe when I go for walks with the dog (I SWEAR he just perked up when I typed "walk" - he's a "Walk" ninja!!), but no grocery shopping in these babies.  I ain't no Edina Mama (sorry if you are...)
  6. There's something deep in my soul that wants to stop doing the "beginner" version of this DVD and start doing the "advanced" version.  There's a fantasy in my head where Jillian Michaels comes to my house and screams at me "I'M GONNA MAKE YOU ROCK THIS WORKOUT!!!!!"  In my fantasy, I calmly lay down my yoga mat, and Downward Dog her ass off.  Naturally, I'm already in my stretchy pants, sweat band on.  I want to beat her.  In my fantasy?  I do.  I know I can be a competitive person.  I just didn't realize that I could be THIS competitive.  I kinda like it.
  7. There is still a LOT of that workout left, past 27 minutes and three seconds.  A lot.
  8. I want the body of any one of the women in this video.  I really do.  I *realize* that it's never gonna happen (God did NOT Grace me with any kind of genetic pre-disposition to have any kind of a butt.  Dang.), but I want it.  Strong arms, great arses, amazing abs...someday, I could have my own version of these bodies.  That's my overall goal.
I just spent the last 15 minutes trying to find a decent pic of "Bashira" from the video, BTW.  She's ah.may.zing.  Strong, confident in her moves, and not afraid to get sweaty.  I *might* just have a lady crush.  ha.

Oh, PS - despite falling off the wagon repeatedly, I've somehow managed to lose a couple of lbs in the last couple of weeks.  Take that Metabolic Syndrome.  WOO!

1 comment: