Some stuff I wrote recently.

Recently, I was chatting with a bestie about the struggles we’re both going through to try to lose weight.  She and I were commiserating on what a serious pain in the ass it is, and how much it sucks and hurts to have “let ourselves go” as much as we have.  I blame married life.  HA!  I kid.

During the course of our conversation, I wrote the following words.  She appreciated them, so I thought I’d plop them on the ‘ol blog to share with my gynormous audience.

Note:  I’ve doctored them up a smidge because some of it is non-applicable here.  Also, it can get a little angsty at times.  Bear with me.  J

Without further ado:

Dude, you’re preaching to the choir.  I get so mad that I have to struggle to lose two pounds when my sister and brother are both thin and fit, and can easily control their weight.  I despise looking at myself, and have taken up being the photographer rather than being in any pictures because it’s disgusting to me.  So, I know exactly where you’re coming from, trust me.  I mean, without the part about how you used to be so skinny.  I never had that.  I’ve always been fat.
Despite that, though, I realize that I absolutely can’t compare myself to anyone else.  What I’ve got and what everyone else in the world has are different.  It’s just how it is.  I would have loved to have been born a Hilton or a Winchester, but it didn’t work that way.  I would have loved to have hit puberty and shed all my baby fat and magically grown pretty.  It didn’t happen.  The sooner you can stop comparing yourself to everyone else OR to the girl of the past, the better.  You need to accept that you gained a bunch of weight, and that you now have to work to lose it.  If you can’t accept it, you’ll never lose it.  It’ll never get better, and you’ll never be happy.  This is what you have to deal with now.  OVERCOME IT.  You can’t use the excuse that you used to be able to eat whatever you want and still be skinny.  It’s not how things are anymore.  You need to learn to eat clementines instead of jelly beans and carrots instead of chips.  Once you get over how shitty it is to have to eat healthier, it turns out that it’s better – it’s delicious.  I love the way that my little Jimmy John’s lettuce wrap crunches and I don’t miss the bread scraping the roof of my mouth.  Now that I realize that I can’t taste the cheese on my Subway anyway, the 100+ calories that I save seems easy and stupid to waste.  Sure, I love the SHIT out of BBQ pork sandwiches and enchiladas, but I eat them as a treat, and only a small amount.  Even as I dole out advice though, I need to say that I DEFINITELY need to cut down on the pizza.  J  Once a week is way more than enough.  ha.
Like I said, you need to accept that this is your new reality, and work to make it change.  You’ll probably have to keep your eating in check and make sure you work out consistently for the rest of your life.  Big deal.  Someday, when people comment on how fit you look, you can take pride in knowing that you spend time exercising and maintaining yourself, rather than just stuffing your face full of sour cream and onion Lay’s and going for an occasional run.  I adore when someone asks me if I’ve lost weight.  Even A asked me about it when I saw him a couple of weeks ago.  Sure, I’ve only just started the (very slow!) climb up Kilimanjaro, but when I hit the summit, I’ll be able to look back and say “DAMN.”

I mean it all, by the way.  Every word.  We all need to stop comparing ourselves to other people and focus on our own strengths and greatness, and look at the things about ourselves that we love.  I’ll start.  I really love my knees.  I know that they’re cute under that extra fluff, and I look forward to meeting them again, and having them meet the world.  J  AFTER I’ve gotten them a little bonzed, that is.  ha!  I love my toes.  I think they’re cute.  Even those weird little toes.  I love my muscle-y legs.  They’re getting so nice again!  I also dig my face in general.  It’s already shed some of its chunk, and I’m recalling how it’s rather pretty when it’s slimmer.

PS - I tried on a bunch of pairs of pants (that I own!) last night, and found that many of the ones that have lived in my closet for YEARS actually fit!  Happy day!!!!  I have a pair of wide-legged, white pants that I’m waiting for Memorial Day to break out.  1) because you shouldn’t wear white before Memorial Day! and 2) because the gut-region is still slightly smaller than I want.  I’m hoping that a few more pounds down over the next few weeks will help with that.  I can’t wait!  I’m envisioning a new pair of navy blue espadrilles and my gray-and-white stripped Paris top to go with it.  Seriously.  It’s kind of sick how I can’t wait.

Grrrrrrrrrreat(ful)!

So, my bestie J over at Pseudo Boricua snagged an idea from one of HER frequently-read blogs about posting a weekly gratitude list.  I like it.  I, too, shall steal it (with a little shout-out to Love, Life, Lace).

I think I’ll make them a Monday post about the previous week.  Because, let’s face it.  Mondays can often need a little extra something to keep them from sucking so much.  A nice little post about all the things I’m grateful for that week should do the trick.  Now, the other trick:  making myself start a post every week that I write things in because LORD KNOWS I have no brain for memory.

And on that note…

·         My DS Lite.  I love you and your Brain Age program.  Perhaps I should bust that puppy out more often?  Also, Super Mario Bros 2 is pretty great.

·         Glee soundtracks.  I KNOW.  Nerd.  I get it.  But, I just can’t help myself; I love listening to them.  There’s just something I love about a show that takes “Poker Face” and turns it into a poppy, sweet song.  Plus, I love Puck.  Soooo…  Where was I going with this??  OH.  Right.  On my trip from my sister’s, I listened to all four of the albums I have in their entirety, and it almost got me home (plus an HOUR LONG conversation with the hubs!!).  It reminded me of my “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat” days.  The tape (yes, tape) was exactly long enough to start it when I got in the car and have it finish as I turned on the road to the farm.

·         Being able to get my wedding and engagement rings off without having to drench my hand in lotion first.  Holla!

·         Knowing my body well enough again to know exactly what crappy thing(s) I ate this weekend to be giving me this intense, irritating heartburn.  I’m looking at you, French Onion Ruffles.

·         My family.  Those guys are just so stinkin’ awesome.  We may not see each other as often as we like (it’s hard when the closest trip is around two hours), but knowing that we have each other is just about as great a gift.  On that same line, my in-laws.  I love those guys too.  I count myself as one of the lucky who adore the in-laws.  Um…I don’t think we have very good reasons for not seeing each other as often as we could.  Can we blame it on the dogs??

·         Jillian Michaels.  Yeah, she’s the devil.  But she’s helping me make it possible to tug off the rings, so she deserves some gratitude.  Just this once.

·         “Real” motivation.  Sister-mine is getting married next April (MAJOR SQUEAL!!!!).  I am the Sister of Honor (I REFUSE to call myself the “Matron” of Honor, as I am not an old lady).  I thusly need to squeeze into a cute little dress.  I will NOT be in another wedding as a fat person.  I’ve done it four-ish times already, and that’s plenty for me.

I think that’s enough for the first round.  There’s a lot more than these listed that I could go into, but I’ll go ahead and stop there.  Don’t want to jump out the gate too quickly and end up a loser!